GRIPE SHOTS

The Gripe Doctor was under the weather for a few days and did not have the energy to lay down a Gripe. You know I had to feel like crap because I didn't bitch about something this week. However, it was another week filled with Gripe and you know what that means. YES, it's time to slam down a few Gripe shots to celebrate all of the idiots that we have encountered throughout the week. Set down your shot glass and I will open the bottle to pour you a shot of Gripe. There is nothing like sitting down to tip down a few shots....of Gripe that is!

1. Handicapped People In Jazzy Chairs - This past week I almost hit not one, but two handicapped morons in motorized wheel chairs, AKA: Jazzy Chairs. The first pinhead was on Wyoming Ave in Kingston. This goof ball tooled himself right down a driveway, between two parked cars and into the street. I had to slam on my brakes or him and his chair would have been thrown over the hood of my car. Now because he was in that chair, I just made a slight hand gesture like c'mon, what the hell are you doing? In response, this boob started jawing at me like it was my fault. WHAT! WHAT! ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME! If it wasn't for your idiotic move and my quick response you would be dead you freakin' moron. The second incident was on N. Pennsylvania Ave in Wilkes-Barre. I was on my way to work and as I approached the traffic light on N. Penna. Ave and Union St, I see this guy in a Jazzy tooling across Penna. Ave. against the traffic light. As he got into my lane, he totally stopped. He was about 20 yards in front of me which caused me to hit the brakes rather hard. As I sat there, he gave me a dirty look and did not move. Again, ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME! Did the stupid bastard run out of power or was he just so screwed up he couldn't work the chair. This I will never know but I am betting on the no power answer. Also, why was he crossing at the intersection against the light? I'll tell you why. These people think they own the planet because they are in a chair. Get real folks, "But you are in that chair, but you are". In case you don't know, that line is from the movie Mommy Dearest. Watch it!

2. NFL vs College - Last night, a few Gripers got together to watch a college football game and a huge debate broke out over the NFL vs College Football. The majority of the group sided with college as a better watch but one of our Gripers could not be convinced. Chris "Strawberry Fields Forever" is a huge NFL fan and fought hard and long for his professionals. However, after further review and a lot of Griping, the play on the field stood and he could not convince the gang of Gripers. By the way, Chris is a Cowboys fan who loves Tony Romo. He also tried to convince us that Tony "Homo" was a good quarterback. Another by the way, Chris is a huge NASCAR fan as well. I think this may sum it all up. There is nothing he can do to convince me that the NFL is nothing but a bunch of spoiled, candy ass, fairy flappin' crooks who are laughing all the way to the bank. These guys in the NFL bitch when they take a hard hit or have to run back a punt. The games are about as predictable as the sun rising in the morning. When was the last time you saw an NFL team run a reverse? NEVER!

3. Bridge Traffic Will Suck - I read in this mornings Sunday Times Leader that the Pierce St. bridge will be taking on some much needed pavement repairs starting tomorrow. The west bound lane will be closed followed by the east bound lane for at least six weeks. I have two thoughts on this. One, it's about freakin' time PennDot fixes this mess. My second thought is why the hell now! The ready to collapse Hotel Sterling has caused trouble for drivers coming over the Market St. bridge due to the City of Wilkes-Barre putting up those useless concrete barriers around the old building. These barriers are blocking one lane on west bound E. Market St and the north bound on River St. Now these pinheads want to close down one lane of the Pierce St. bridge to do paving work. This is going to cause one "cluster fuck" of a traffic problem. In addition, the jug heads at PennDot are working on the Cross Valley west bound between Plains and the Kingston/Forty Fort entrances and exits. I know I can't wait to jump in my car tomorrow morning to drive to work in Wilkes-Barre. I may have to leave tonight to get there on time.

4. An Increase Of Idiot Drivers - Speaking of traffic, is it me or has traffic increased on our roads since the big Flood of 2011. It seems to me that for some reason there are more cars on the roads and more people driving like fools out there. I think the flood waters softened their brains more then they were before causing people to forget how to drive. People are pulling out in front of other people, there is more road rage than normal and more people blowing through stop signs and red lights. Now don't get me wrong here, I have been known to fly into a good road rage now and then. However, they have little blue pills that help with that. When you go out in the car you feel like you are going on a Jihad suicide mission. Wake up you stupid bastards.

I am now drunk with Gripe from my Gripe shots and ready to go out to take on the real world to collect more Gripe. I would like all of you to take a look at this weeks Poll Question and let me know What The Hell You Think about my idea of holding a GRIPE FEST at one of our local establishments. I think it could be a Gripin' Blast!