The mailman came the other day and to my surprise he delivered the big Victoria Secret Holiday Catalog. Notice I said mailman, not mail person. I say the hell with all of that politically correct crap. Anyway, when I saw the monster book in my mailbox I was excited to see the contents inside. This was kid in a candy store excitement. We get V.S. catalogs delivered just about every day, but this is the mega eye popper of the year! Much to my surprise or should I say dismay, there was very little lingerie for sale in this catalog. ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME! Isn't that what Victoria Secret is known for? Instead, I found a bounty of regular overpriced clothes, shoes and pajamas along with more types of bras than the law allows. I didn't know they could make so many different bras! They must have had 50+ different jug holders for women to buy. Of course, they were all way over priced. I saw boob parachutes for $50.00, $60.00 and even $70.00. I couldn't believe my eyes! Why do they cost so much? Hell, you can go to WalMart and get 3 knob holders for $10.00. I am not a woman, so I just don't get it.
As I carefully perused through the big catalog, I came across the gift of a lifetime. Wait until you hear this. No it was not a Victoria Secret model. It was a bra. Yes, a bra and it was not any ordinary bra. Now in case you don't know and most guys don't, there are many different types of bras. I had to put countless hours of research into this so listen up. There are push ups, full coverage, demi cup, multi-way, strapless, wireless, t-shirt, unlined, shape wear and sports bras. There is subtle lift, moderate lift, dramatic lift, extreme lift and maximum lift bras. How the hell do women decide? All of this sounds like a gym workout routine. Anyway, this bra that I saw was magnificent! It was the 2011 Victoria Secret Fantasy Bra. The price tag on this beauty is $2,500,000.00. Yes, you read that right! This pap tent is made with 142 carats of white and yellow diamonds, pearls, citrines and aquamarines set in 18-karat white and yellow gold. Two 8-karat white diamonds adorn the center of the bra, along with two 14-karat yellow diamonds. WHAT? WHAT? ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME! Who the hell is going to buy that? Who the hell would wear it? I wonder if they would mail it out or do you have to pick it up? This is ridiculous. I guess it's called a Fantasy Bra for a reason. So ladies, when you sit on Santa's lap this year, there are only two words you will need to whisper into his ear....FANTASY BRA.
House of Kroy tour - *...sans the basement and garage.*
10 months ago