The Lesser Of Three Evils

This past Tuesday, some Gripers and I got together at Chacko's Family Bowling Center to throw a few games and to chew the fat. Of course, the topic of the Presidential race came up and the heated debate began. The Democrats in the crowd were not thrilled with President Obama, but supported him none the less. On the Republican side, were a bunch of people who had no idea who to support. The consensus of the elephant party was we don't know who to vote for in the primary. I told them that I would think over this dilemma for them and come up with a candidate. So here is what I think of the Republican candidates for the Presidency in 2012.

Mit Romney: Mitt Romney was born on March 12, 1947 in Detroit. The son of Michigan governor, George Romney, Mitt founded the investment firm Bain Capital. Romney attended the prestigious Cranbrook School before receiving his undergraduate degree from Brigham Young University in 1971. He attended Harvard Law School and Harvard Business School and received both a law degree and an M.B.A. in 1975. He is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also known as the Mormon Church.

I have a few problems with ole' Nit Mitt Romney. Number one, he is a Mormon. Mormons don't drink, smoke or carry on and that is 3 strikes right there. Putting a Mormon in the White House would invite the return of Prohibition. I can see it now, the Feds busting up perfectly good barrels of beer. Secondly, he is a thief! While you and I pay 35 to 38% tax, Nit Mitt paid only 13.9% on the 42 million he made in 2010. He paid such a low percentage because the earnings were in capitol gains which are taxed much less than the working stiffs paychecks. This of course just really pisses me off! Nit Mitt also has money socked away in the Cayman Islands and in Switzerland which is immune to the American tax structure. In other words he is dumping this dough to avoid taxation. In my book that makes him a thief. Some of you will say he is just a smart business man. That may be so, however I say he is a Mormonic thief. Check him off the list for the White House.

Newton Leroy "Newt" Gingrich: Born in south central Pennsylvania to a teenage mother, Gingrich was adopted in infancy by his stepfather, a career soldier. Gingrich attended Emory University and received his Ph.D. from Tulane University. In the 1970s he taught history and geography at West Georgia College. During this period he mounted several campaigns for the United States House of Representatives, before winning the election of November 1978. He served as the House Minority Whip from 1989 to 1995. In 1995, Time named him "Man of the Year" for his role in ending 40 years of majority control by the Democratic Party. While he was House speaker, the House enacted welfare reform, passed a capital gains tax cut in 1997, and in 1998 passed the first balanced budget since 1969.

Well, Newt is originally from Pennsylvania and that is a plus for him. He also came up through the ranks of hard work and reward to become what he is today, a lightning rod for controversy. Another plus in my book. Just recently, Gingrich's ex-wife came forward to say that the "Newtster" wanted to have an open marriage. In other words, he wanted to have relations with other women as well as his wife. Of course, this led to the end of that marriage. I guess he wanted to be a Mormon, kind of like "Nit Mitt" Romney. I guess if the wife goes for it, it's a plus for you! Just last night during one of the many nauseating debates, Newt stated "I'd like to have an American on the moon before the Chinese get there," Hello, Newt are you there? We had a man on the moon back in July of 1969. By the way, there was nothing there. It is a ball of useless rock. How about Mars or Uranus or Myanus. Anyway, the problem with Newt Gingrich is he often goes off the deep end without thinking. This is not a good thing to do when you are making decisions in the Oval Office.

Rick Santorum: Rick Santorum is the middle of the three children of Aldo Santorum (1923–2011), an Italian immigrant and clinical psychologist who immigrated to the United States at age seven from Riva del Garda, Italy, and Catherine (Dughi) Santorum (1918–), an administrative nurse of Italian and Irish descent. Santorum was born in Winchester, Virginia, and grew up in Berkeley County, West Virginia and Butler County, Pennsylvania, Santorum attending the Butler Area public schools where he was nicknamed "Rooster" both for a cowlick strand of hair and his defiantly confrontational nature. After his parents transferred to the Naval Station Great Lakes in northern Illinois, Santorum attended the Roman Catholic Carmel High School in Mundelein, Illinois for one year, graduating in 1976. Santorum earned a B.A. with honors in political science from Pennsylvania State University in 1980, an M.B.A. from the University of Pittsburgh in 1981, and a J.D. with honors from the Dickinson School of Law in 1986. In his 2005 book, It Takes a Family, Santorum advocates for a more family values-oriented society centered on monogamous, heterosexual relationships, marriage, and child-raising. He says he is pro-life; yet opponents have labelled him a counterfeit conservative pointing to his votes that continued the federal funding of Planned Parenthood. He opposes same-sex marriage saying the American public and their elected officials should decide on these "incredibly important moral issues", rather than the Supreme Court, which consists of "nine unelected, unaccountable judges.”

Folks, this is one dangerous man. He is an Evangelical Christian who opposes anything that may sound like fun and he has the nickname Rooster. This type of person scares me to death. Again I have horrible visions of the Feds busting up kegs of beer in the streets and hauling people away. If this guy gets in the White House the Mothers Against Drunk Driving will have a field day. My idea of DAMD, Dunks Against Mothers Driving will be outlawed. Just writing about this clown getting into the White House creeps me out. I can't think about it anymore.

I guess if I was a Republican, and I am not, I would have to throw my support to "The Newtster". Maybe we could use a new sheriff shooting from the hip in town. The other two guys just creep me out. No matter who wins, they will have to up against incumbent President Obama. As our friend Chris "Strawberry Fields Forever" stated during our bowling alley debate, "The last few elections for president consisted of voting for the lesser of two evils". He was absolutely correct and it looks like this election will be the same. You will have to decide who is the lesser of the two evils in November.