I was on Facebook this morning and ran across this post from a good friend who happens to be my sister-in-law. To me this post summed up the delusional thinking of a woman in love.
Now after reading this, then dropping to the floor in laughter, I picked myself back up and got to thinking. As most of you know, my thinking usually gets me in some kind of hot water and this will be no different. I thought, how wrong is this little Top 10? After about 6 seconds of pondering or the time it took me to read this tripe I knew it was about 100% wrong. Immediately I wanted to get to the bottom of this farce and set the record straight for all those boys who want to become men. Here is the real Top 10 Boys become men when they...
1. Lead the way and walk out first. If she follows then she is a keeper.
2. Don't call back when she hangs up, put on the game that you wanted to watch and crack open a cold one. Again, if she calls back then she is a keeper.
3. When she punches you just look at her and say, "One of these days, One of these days, Bang, Zoom Right to the Moon. Why is she punching you anyway? Doesn't she realize that it would be a TKO in the first 10 seconds.
4. I may have to agree with 4 because it may be the only way to make her shut her spewing pie hole.
5. It's OK to watch a chick flick now and then, but only after she has watched at least 3 action films, 2 Sci-Fi's and a horror film before hand. One Star Trek film and a 3 Stooges marathon can substitute for this formula. Never actually go to the theater to watch a chick flick. There you are trapped in a fantasy realm which lies between two dimensions. The dimension of sleep and the dimension of terror.
6. Yes, we can tolerate her crying over love stories because this is a sure fire opening to some crib time. Console her during the film. If you are good enough, you may force out a tear which scores huge points toward the bedroom. Always remember, a good love story fogs the minds of women everywhere.
7. Hand the woman the remote? ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME! You might as well put a gun to your head and pull the trigger. Don't ever make this mistake because you will end up watching a chick flick, a cooking show or the most dreaded show of all, Project Runway.
8. I really get a charge out of this one. Pass on booze night to listen to her rantings? Her rantings are the sole reason for booze night.
9. How could you not flare up after your woman has given you car directions for the past 2 hours of a trip. As she is yapping from the passenger seat the thought of reaching over, opening the door and giving her a quick kick is repeating in your brain like an S.O.S. If she only knew how to tuck and roll better.
10. I have said I am sorry plenty of times in the 18 years that i have been married. This word is magical. I'm sorry I got hammered up last night. I'm sorry I stayed out so late. I'm sorry I forgot to take out the trash. I'm sorry I forgot to tell you that I am in a golf tournament. I'm sorry I forgot to tell you that I am bowling tomorrow night. I'm sorry, didn't I tell you that I am fishing all day on Saturday. The I'm sorry's go on and on and on. Boys, learn the word and embrace it like a lover. It is the most important word that you will ever know except for the words cold beer.
There it is, the real Top 10 way's that boys become men. Hopefully, my wife will not read this because I will be embracing the word sorry along with a big dinner bill and a chick flick.
1. Lead the way and walk out first. If she follows then she is a keeper.
2. Don't call back when she hangs up, put on the game that you wanted to watch and crack open a cold one. Again, if she calls back then she is a keeper.
3. When she punches you just look at her and say, "One of these days, One of these days, Bang, Zoom Right to the Moon. Why is she punching you anyway? Doesn't she realize that it would be a TKO in the first 10 seconds.
4. I may have to agree with 4 because it may be the only way to make her shut her spewing pie hole.
5. It's OK to watch a chick flick now and then, but only after she has watched at least 3 action films, 2 Sci-Fi's and a horror film before hand. One Star Trek film and a 3 Stooges marathon can substitute for this formula. Never actually go to the theater to watch a chick flick. There you are trapped in a fantasy realm which lies between two dimensions. The dimension of sleep and the dimension of terror.
6. Yes, we can tolerate her crying over love stories because this is a sure fire opening to some crib time. Console her during the film. If you are good enough, you may force out a tear which scores huge points toward the bedroom. Always remember, a good love story fogs the minds of women everywhere.
7. Hand the woman the remote? ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME! You might as well put a gun to your head and pull the trigger. Don't ever make this mistake because you will end up watching a chick flick, a cooking show or the most dreaded show of all, Project Runway.
8. I really get a charge out of this one. Pass on booze night to listen to her rantings? Her rantings are the sole reason for booze night.
9. How could you not flare up after your woman has given you car directions for the past 2 hours of a trip. As she is yapping from the passenger seat the thought of reaching over, opening the door and giving her a quick kick is repeating in your brain like an S.O.S. If she only knew how to tuck and roll better.
10. I have said I am sorry plenty of times in the 18 years that i have been married. This word is magical. I'm sorry I got hammered up last night. I'm sorry I stayed out so late. I'm sorry I forgot to take out the trash. I'm sorry I forgot to tell you that I am in a golf tournament. I'm sorry I forgot to tell you that I am bowling tomorrow night. I'm sorry, didn't I tell you that I am fishing all day on Saturday. The I'm sorry's go on and on and on. Boys, learn the word and embrace it like a lover. It is the most important word that you will ever know except for the words cold beer.
There it is, the real Top 10 way's that boys become men. Hopefully, my wife will not read this because I will be embracing the word sorry along with a big dinner bill and a chick flick.
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