I have never been a big fan of the Easter Bunny. I remember standing in line at The Boston Store, now Boscov's as kid after kid went screaming into the night after a minute or two on this long eared rat's lap. As you stood in line with your parents your mind starting racing with thoughts of huge furry horror as you waited for your turn. As you got closer to the giant rabbit your hold on your mothers hand got tighter and tighter as sheer terror overwhelmed every fiber of your little body. You knew deep down that if you wanted all of that candy you HAD to sit on this large lepus' lap. Your mind raced on ways to escape this varmints deadly grasp while still collecting the sugary booty that would be waiting there on Easter morning. Reason after terrifying reason ripped through your brain as to why this enormous rodent was so scary. In fact, I remember my reasons and here they are.
6. Huge: This was a huge rabbit. Just the size of this thing was scary enough. The sight of an enormous rabbit wearing a brightly colored outfit would scare even the bravest child. The kid below is screaming in terror!
5. Ears: We all know that rabbits have long ears, but the Easter Bunny always had disproportionated hearing devices. In fact there were times when his ears would be bent down like they were pointing your way. In your mind you thought his ears were saying, "I'm coming for you on Easter Eve".
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| The Ears Are Pointing At You! |
4. Teeth: The Easter Bunny always had big teeth. All I can think of is "The better to eat you my dear". With one bite he could have your guts all over the store. The kid below does not suspect what may happen here.
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| Huge Teeth |
3. Aggressive: This over sized vermin was always very aggressive when it came to getting small children on his lap. He would reach over with his hairy paws to grab a hold of you. When he got hold of you what was he going to do? That thought was frightening.
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| Known To Grab Children |
2. Hairy: This super sized rodent was always way to furry. In some cases the hair was dirty and matted like a varmint with rabies. I have seen cases when this hair was pink in color which always reminded my of dried blood from his victims.
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| Way Too Hairy |
1. Those Eyes: No matter what costume the bunny was in, his eyes were terrifying. When he looked at you he was looking straight into your soul. He was extracting all of those bad things that you did and calculating how much candy you would get.
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| Look At Those Eyes |
Even as a kid I knew early on that this over sized rodent was a fake, a shame, a forgery. Hell, back in the day when you sat on this furry varmints lap you could see right into the eyes of the costume. Instead of looking into the eyes of an egg toting holiday rabbit and seeing a fairy tale creature you saw an actual person. When you questioned your parents with this obvious fact they always answered, "The real Easter Bunny can't be everywhere all at once, so this must be one of his helpers". What a farce! As you got a little bit older, common sense actually would kick in and your ever maturing brain finally came up with the correct conclusion. If the Easter Bunny can't be everywhere then how the hell does he get all of that candy delivered in one night? Yep, this can only be a big scary injustice for children all over the world.
I have never been a big fan of the Easter Bunny. I remember standing in line at The Boston Store, now Boscov's as kid after kid went screaming into the night after a minute or two on this long eared rat's lap. As you stood in line with your parents your mind starting racing with thoughts of huge furry horror as you waited for your turn. As you got closer to the giant rabbit your hold on your mothers hand got tighter and tighter as sheer terror overwhelmed every fiber of your little body. You knew deep down that if you wanted all of that candy you HAD to sit on this large lepus' lap. Your mind raced on ways to escape this varmints deadly grasp while still collecting the sugary booty that would be waiting there on Easter morning. Reason after terrifying reason ripped through your brain as to why this enormous rodent was so scary. In fact, I remember my reasons and here they are.
Even as a kid I knew early on that this over sized rodent was a fake, a shame, a forgery. Hell, back in the day when you sat on this furry varmints lap you could see right into the eyes of the costume. Instead of looking into the eyes of an egg toting holiday rabbit and seeing a fairy tale creature you saw an actual person. When you questioned your parents with this obvious fact they always answered, "The real Easter Bunny can't be everywhere all at once, so this must be one of his helpers". What a farce! As you got a little bit older, common sense actually would kick in and your ever maturing brain finally came up with the correct conclusion. If the Easter Bunny can't be everywhere then how the hell does he get all of that candy delivered in one night? Yep, this can only be a big scary injustice for children all over the world.
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