I know I am a day late with this, but the Fecal Fee Update just had to be written. Tuesday is election day, and like the race for Luzerne County Council, the field for judge is bigger than a crowd on a bus in India. There are more candidates, some qualified and some not so much running for the six open seats. Some of these seats have been vacated due to criminal convictions of the past judges. Our man Chiavy of course is one of them. When you go to the polls to vote, think about these 6 candidates for Luzerne County Judge.
1. Judge Dread - This guy is a perfect fit for Luzerne County Judge. He is no nonsense, gets to the point and convicts on site. Of course, the sentence is carried out immediately. There is no bull with Judge Dread. I can picture him now presiding over a case, slamming down the gavel and saying, "I didn't break the law, I am the law".
2. Judge Chamberlain Haller - The sometimes confused judge presided over his biggest case in the movie My Cousin Vinny. Total chaos reigned that day in his courtroom especially when he asked, "Did you say Yutes"? He is a perfect fit to take the bench in Chiavy's old juvenile court room.
3. Judge Smails - We all know Judge Smails from the movie Caddyshack. He was the overbearing, demanding member of the exclusive golf club. He always had to have his shoes shined, his clothes pressed and his clubs in hand. His courtroom would be clean and run with an iron fist. He was once heard saying, "I sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them". Maybe we will keep him out of Juvenile court.
4. Judge Judy - This no bones about it Judge will listen to all and any ridiculous cases that come in front of her. It is always good to have a woman's perspective on the bench and this makes her a true fire candidate. Judge Judy is well known for her quips like, "You know how I can tell if a 17-year-old girl is lying? When her mouth moves".
5. The Judge - He really has no name, but he has heard several cases on the show Family Guy. He is often confused and bamboozled by Peter Griffin who has been on trial more than once. The Judge actually resided of Brian the dogs custody case where he gave Brian custody of his puppies, but mandated that he get neutered. OUCH!
6. Judge Harry Stone - What we need here in Luzerne County is a Night Court and Judge Harry Stone is our man. Why try cases only during the day. Lets free up some docket space and move the trials to the night time. The free wheeling unorthodox judge takes nothing serious which is perfect for Luzerne County. The trials would take about 10 minutes each therefore unclogging the court system. By the way, who said a judge can't wear sneakers!There you have it, the Gripes 6 candidates for Luzerne County Judge. As you all know, we poke fun at the candidates and positions up for election, but when it comes to voting, its a serious matter. Take time to vote on Tuesday and choose wisely. It is time to replace the nitwits that sank this county into the bowels of humiliation. Now is the time to make the changes that "We The People" want to make. Don't be a slug and sit home and bitch if you don't go out to vote. This is the way we can make some changes. If not, we will have to storm the courthouse and take over ourselves!
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