Monkey Business

We have often heard that the Wilkes-Barre area is turning into a jungle, but whoever thought it was actually true. It was reported on Sunday morning that a monkey got loose in Ashley and was swinging around the neighborhood. First off, I can't believe that the people from Ashley could tell the difference between their neighbors and an actual primate. Anyway, Tyler a Java Macaque and the pet of Jeff Arnott had been taken for a joyride on the back of a stolen ATV by Jeff Arnott Jr. Good old Jr. had tipped back a few brews and then sole the vehicle along with his fathers monkey. After a chase by the Ashley cops, Arnott Jr. fled from the stolen ATV as did Tyler. Of course Jr. was apprehended by the authorities after a struggle and charged with resisting arrest, fleeing to elude apprehension, receiving stolen property and public drunkenness. He was jailed at the Luzerne County Correctional Facility for lack of $25,000 bail. The police DID NOT capture Tyler who now was on the lamb. At this point, the Ashley cops had no idea what to do so they called in the pin heads of The Pennsylvania Game Commission. Owner Jeff Arnott Sr., along with Pennsylvania Wildlife Conservation Officer Gerald Kapral apprehended Tyler who was immediately taken to a sanctuary near Penn's Creek in Central Pennsylvania. He was not arraigned in front of the Magistrate or read his Miranda Rights.

So, what is my beef with this monkey business in Ashley? Let me tell you. Tyler was the pet of Jeff Arnott for 15 years. Yes, 15 freakin' years and the authorities took him away from the only life he knew because of an idiot! To me this is ALL WRONG! Just because a moron gets all bombed up, steals an ATV and takes Tyler on a joyride the Game Commission takes him away and locks him up on a game sanctuary. This monkey wasn't hurting anyone! In fact, Arnott's neighbors loved Tyler. Michelle Maier, who resides near Arnott, said the monkey often played with her cat. "Jeff has had the monkey for years and he always had it on a leash or in a cage," Maier said. "Jeff took good care of the monkey, he always brushed its teeth, cleaned its ears and had a diaper on it." It sounds to me like Tyler was cleaner than most of the low life scum bags that hang out on the Square. Hell, Tyler has teeth! To make matters worse, Jeff Arnott is facing a citation from the Game Commission charging him with unlawful possession of an exotic animal without a permit, said commission spokesman Tim Conway. “Anything with claws and teeth or any kind of wildlife requires a special permit from the Pennsylvania Game Commission,” Conway said. “Dogs and cats are fine. You can also be looking at cows, sheep, horses that don’t require a permit, but then you’re getting into municipality ordinances.”

I guess I can go with the permit thing, maybe! What really puts a fire under my butt is that you DO NOT need a permit in Pennsylvania to own an alligator. That's right, an alligator! In New Jersey, it a permissible to own a rattlesnake. WHAT! WHAT! ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME! You can own an alligator but not a monkey! This is insane! An alligator will rip your freakin' legs off but it's OK to have one in your house. Hell,West Wyoming firefighters battled a blaze at a house on West Brady Street in January 2008 and encountered a 4-foot alligator that was pulled from its cage. When I started to look into this entire monkey thing I quickly found out how insane our laws are. I went APE when I read all of this stuff! I guess the bottom line here is I don't feel bad Jeff Arnott Sr., Jeff Arnott Jr., or the residents of Ashley. I feel bad for Tyler the monkey. The poor bastard had a few hours of freedom and now he has to pay the price by being exiled to a game farm. As some of you may already know, I am not a big fan of monkeys. In fact I really dislike them for some reason. However, in this case I am all in with Tyler who I think should be given back to his owner of 15 years. Hell, if it wasn't for the neanderthal son, there would not have been any "Monkey Business" in Ashley.

A big THANKS goes out to Griper Amy C. for the inside pic of Tyler. You won't see this shot in any of the papers.