Doubled Barrel Killers

Vice President Joe Biden along with a group of other somewhat intelligent people met in Washington a couple of weeks ago to come up with a plan regarding assault weapons.  After reading their recommendations I believe that they dropped the ball.  The fumbled at the goal line like Cleveland Browns running back Ernest Byner in the 1987 AFC Championship game against the Denver Broncos.  They slipped up because there is one assault weapon that they have totally forgotten.  This weapon is so appealing and so deadly, but openly common in society today.  In fact, there have been numerous murders committed all over the world which have gone somewhat unnoticed.  I have written about this before, warning people about this lethal double barreled killer.  Here are just a few examples of what can happen with these weapons are in the hands of the wrong person.

Donna Lange, a 51-year-old woman from Everett, Wash.,  suffocated her boyfriend to death with her breasts on Saturday, Jan. 12, according to Seattle's KIRO 7 Eyewitness News. Deputies, called to the Airport Inn trailer park at 12:45 a.m. for a disturbance report, found medics performing CPR on Lange's 51-year-old alleged boyfriend, who was later pronounced dead at Swedish Hospital.  Kiro 7 reports that witnesses claims they saw Lange throw her boyfriend down in the back of the mobile home. She was later found by witnesses with her chest covering the victim's face. Police noted the size difference between Lange and her boyfriend -- she was 5-feet, 6-inches and 192 pounds, he was 5-feet, 7-inches and 175 pounds.  

In November, German lawyer Tim Schmidt claimed his girlfriend tried to smother him with her 38DD breasts. Schmidt said she pretended it was a sex game, the Daily Mail reported. "I asked her why she wanted to smother me to death with her breasts and she told me: 'Treasure – I wanted your death to be as pleasurable as possible,'" he said.  The 33-year-old woman was reportedly accused of "attempted manslaughter with a weapon," according to the Daily Mail.

A U.K. mother of three nearly smothered her boyfriend with her 40LL breasts while they were having sex in 2010, CBS reported via News of the World. She mistook his flailing for excitement, until she noticed that he had stopped moving and appeared to not be breathing.  He was revived by paramedics and lives to tell the tale today.

Make no mistake here, weapons of the 40DD and 38DD caliber can be deadly in the hands of a deranged owner.  If the 42 and higher caliber are brought out, entire armies can be brought to their knees just by the sight of them.  These double barreled bosoms of carnage can be hidden in plain view but when released from their holsters they are like Howitzers.  They have been referred to as B-52's, Bazookas, Canons, and Sherman Tanks.  What I want to know is why hasn't the media picked up on this epidemic of death so people all around the world can be aware of them.  It's time for everyone to open up a dialog concerning these murder melons.  It's time for our leaders in Washington to add these killing Kabombas to the assault weapons list.