Cry Havoc and Release The Dogs of War

The Special Blue Bin
I am at war!  I have circled the wagons, hid the women and children and am arming the troops.  I know this will be a long, hard fought battle with a cunning enemy who wields an arsenal of powerful weapons.  My enemy has large vehicles, more manpower and a local government behind them.  They have resources that I do not have.  They are better equipped and can hold out for eternity if need be.  Who is this enemy?  It is the Forty Fort D.P.W.  This war started several weeks ago when some low life thief stole one of my recycling bins.  You see, my household produces a boat load of plastic recycling so I need two bins.  These are small bins, not the nice garbage can style bins that many towns use.  They are special blue bins which were distributed by Forty Fort Borough.  What makes them so special?  They have holes in the bottom so water and other liquids drain out.  The D.P.W. guys like this because they don't get showered in swill when they empty them in their recycling truck.  That I can understand!  I would not want to get bathed in a lather of water, stale coke and beer.  However, I am now down to one bin and do not have the time to go get another one.  Hell, I work Monday through Friday and that is when I would have to go get one.  If they were open on Saturday this war would never have started.  I would have the two bins that I needed and it would be game over, drive home safely.

That however is not the case.  Over the first few weeks of this war, I tried to make things happen with only one bin.  I quickly realized that this battle would be lost.  My recyclables quickly accumulated to an unsafe level.  I was at DEFCON 2.  What should I do?  My answer was to find a bin around the same size and put it out to the curb.  On the next recycling day, the enemy attacked, emptied my official blue bin and then took my entire back up bin and its contents.  WHAT! WHAT!  ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME!  They took the entire bin and now I am back down to one!  Immediately plan B went into effect and I found another bin to put recyclables in.  The day came and I put both bins out, this time with a note that instructed them to not take the bin.  They not only did not take the bin, they didn't empty it either.  Now I am at DEFCON 3 with recyclables backing up everywhere.  What should I do now?  I sat back and thought for a minute and realized that there were no holes in the bottom of the bin.  I went to my workshop, got a drill and put holes in the bottom of the bin.  They would certainly take it now.

Wrong-O beaver breath!  The next week came and I put both my bins out.  This time with a note stating that I drilled holes in the bottom and would they empty it this time.  My hopes were high.  When I got home from work, low and behold they DID NOT empty the bin.  I was in a panic.  It was DEFCON 4 and I knew it was time to stage an attack of my own.  I cursed and swore those bastards and right then and there declared war on these recycling terrorists.  Next week is recycling week and I have a plan up my sleeve that will blow them out of the water.  I can't tell you what it is, but I will fill you in on the result of this battle.  The bottom line here is that there is no reason for these guys to not empty my bin.  They won't do it simply because it is not an "Official" recycling bin and that is just plain stupid.          

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